Hello friends!

I posted my letter asking for help on December 5, 2023, and things got worse before they got better. But they did get better.

2023 decided it wasn’t done being An Awful Year, and I ended up getting COVID just in time for Christmas — less than three months after I had last gotten COVID. (Turns out that good ventilation is extremely important. Even a KN95 mask can’t stand up to the stuffy air soup of school gyms and 600+ people crammed in to watch their kids sings carols.) Thankfully there is one perk of MCAS, and that is that many of the treatments for MCAS can also improve COVID symptoms. I was already taking H1 antihistamines, and added H2 antihistamines, which meant that I only needed to spend a few hours of the day lying on the floor napping, instead of the whole day. The worst of COVID improved just in time for Christmas Day, even though I was still tired and dizzy, I was able to spend time with my family and participate in the festivities.

I’m pleased to report that things kept getting better from then on, and I’m actually feeling like a human being again! I have extra energy to do stuff! That’s due to three major things: financial support, figuring out a major MCAS trigger, and adjusting my medication.

I had a bunch of people support me financially. Some sent one-time donations, and others are supporting me with a small amount on a monthly basis. This has taken me from drowning to steady footing, and has relieved so much stress, pressure and weight from my shoulders. To everyone who has helped financially, THANK YOU! Not having to worry about how to afford food or medication allows me to focus my energy on other things and gives me breathing room to plan and strategise. I’m still not out of the woods, I have just enough for daily needs, but I’m still very slowly sliding into more debt — but the fact that the pace has gone from slipping dangerously downward to more moving at the speed of a glacier, is huge. Plus, I have more energy now so I can actually work on projects to combat debt.

In January, I noticed that I was reacting to the laundry fragrance of the detergent we’ve been using pretty much as long as I’ve lived in Alberta. The scent is subtle, and I react far more dramatically to things like Tide and dryer sheets, so I didn’t notice for the longest time that our detergent was causing very low-grade inflammation. I sampled an unscented detergent for a few weeks and started to feel dramatically better. And then I received a gift of an embroidered bookmark with scented detergent and felt physically awful being in the same room as it, which pretty much confirmed that my body has a RAGING laundry fragrance sensitivity. (I stuffed that bookmark into a ziploc bag.) I’ve switched to unscented laundry detergent, and for the first time in over a year, I feel like a human being. I have extra energy. (I cried about that, multiple times.) I sleep well almost every night. February was the best month I’ve had in over a year, which is wild because normal February is the worst thanks to seasonal affective disorder.

Also in February I realised that the H2 antihistamines I had been taking since I got covid were starting to hurt my stomach, so on the advice of a pharmacist, I switched to taking an extra H1 antihistamine instead. And wow. That was magic. I feel like myself again.

Overall, I’m doing so much better! I’m not better in the sense that I’m healed, I still very much deal with MCAS (snow mould is kicking my butt now that the weather is getting warmer), and my capacity isn’t at ‘normal human’ levels of functioning — but I feel better than I’ve felt in probably five years, and that’s incredible! It’s heartening and joyful. I can actually do things for fun! (I’ve been playing a table top role play game online called Castles in the Air that is filling my soul, it has all the things I love best, storytelling, connection, collaboration, improv.)

Now my challenge is to not over-extend myself, just because I have some energy doesn’t mean I have that much energy, and I’m enthusiastic and want to do all the things, but I have to learn how to manage my new capacities, which I’m doing with varying degrees of success. You may remember my three priorities from the last letter. I’m still working on step 1 and 2, create margin and stabilise my MCAS, and haven’t gotten up to step 3 work on LyndenTree Designs yet.

Anyways, I’m thrilled I can share some good news with all of you! I’m not completely out of the woods, but at least I’m not at the bottom of a pit any more, and I can see a path out. Plus, the trees here are pretty.

If you want to keep supporting me, financially you can donate to me directly via Ko-Fi, PayPal or E-Transfer. Non-financially, I’d love prayer for wisdom knowing how to manage my new energy levels effectively and figure out sustainable scheduling. Also prayers that we don’t have a bunch of forest fire smoke this year would be lovely because smoke is one of my biggest flare triggers (besides textile chemicals and fragrances). Also! If you want to chat or videocall sometime, I’m an extrovert who hasn’t been able to socialise for a whole year so I’d LOVE opportunities to hang out with friends virtually.

Hoping, praying and crossing my fingers that this upward trend continues!

Much love,
Lyndall

This is part newsletter, part health update, part request for support.

I need help.

I’ve done the best I can, but it turns out starting a business during a pandemic and an economic downturn, with an undiagnosed and untreated chronic illness, is Too Much for one person to manage on their own.

How I Got Here

My energy levels have been very slowly declining since 2017, but I was able to adapt my routine and use compensating strategies to the point that the decline was almost unnoticeable to me, and definitely unnoticeable to anyone else. I slowly went from being able to work full time contract jobs to only working part time.

I was working on my zero-waste fashion business, LyndenTree Designs, on the side. But in late 2022 I found myself faced with a choice between having enough energy for LyndenTree Designs or part-time work. I could no longer do both.

I chose my own business, which meant embracing creativity and flexibility, but also financial insecurity. I did this — even though I had a significant loan from my parents for my initial fabric order and other business-launching expenses, and I had recently been in a car crash where I was responsible for paying the cost of repairs — because I hoped that investing energy into my business would pay off in the long run, and be kinder on my body.

But in January of 2023, my energy and health completely crashed after a photo session for LyndenTree Designs. I had no energy to do anything beyond the basics for survival: feeding myself, body care tasks, and keeping my space at the bare minimum of functional. There was nothing extra for work. I thought maybe it was Seasonal Affective Disorder, but this was worse than any SAD I’ve experienced in the past.

In May of 2023, I finally started to get some answers. I learned about Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS), and it connected all the dots, even some dots I didn’t realise were part of the pattern. MCAS is a cousin of allergies that involves more body systems, and it was leading to symptoms like exhaustion, joint pain, inflammation, disrupted sleep and brain fog. I don’t have an official diagnosis from a doctor yet, but I am pursuing one.

MCAS can cause reactions to all sorts of diverse triggers. Wildfire smoke and laundry product fragrance are two of my biggest triggers. And in a cruel twist of fate, the fabric I purchased to launch my business, for my first collection, is another one of my biggest triggers. There’s something in the dye or fabric coatings that causes me to react, which explains why I crashed in January after doing the photoshoot.

I spent most of Summer 2023 in survival mode due to wildfire smoke, but at least now I had a name for what I was dealing with, which meant I could learn and research and more accurately take care of my body. I stuffed every little bit of The Bad Fabric into plastic bags or bins, and I sewed wearing a mask and with good ventilation; both of these have helped reduce the severity and duration of flares caused by my reaction to said fabric.

Then right as the smokey air cleared up I got COVID.
*rolls eyes at this ludicrous chain of events*

So anyways. It was the end of October before I started feeling human again. I sold some skirts in the summer (yay!), but unfortunately my finances are now in shambles and my health is still mending after the absolute POUNDING it got over the past nine months. I’ve done the best I can given the circumstances, but I’ve reached the limit of my energy and financial capacity. This is Too Much for one person to deal with. I need community help. I need your help.

Three Priorities, in order

One: Create Margin
My first priority is to get out of crisis mode. My credit card is maxed out, my bank account is pretty much empty, and I don’t know how I will pay for groceries. I hate writing that, but it’s where I am right now. I’ve been resilient and creative with finances and scraping together resources, but the resiliency rubber band is stretched and right on the edge of snapping. I also have Christmas and gifts looming over my head, which is an additional expense and stress.

I’ve struggled so much with feeling like a failure under capitalism. But also I was dealing with an undiagnosed chronic illness.

Anyways. My first priority is to have some financial margin, which allows me to eat better (improves health), pay for supplements and antihistamines that I know help, and ease stress (stress, stupidly, is also an MCAS trigger).

Two: Stabilise my MCAS

Once I’m out of crisis mode, the next goal is to gain some more energy and focus on things that help stabilise my mast cells and reduce reactions and flares. Obviously, some financial margin helps with this.

I’m also in the process of diagnosis with my doctor, which takes a while when it can be anywhere from 3-10 weeks from when I call to book an appointment to actually seeing him (the Alberta healthcare system is overloaded). I’ve currently found that antihistamines and quercetin (a mast cell stabilising supplement) help me, but there are other additional treatment options that could help even more. I may also try a low-histamine diet for a while. I won’t bore you with the nitty gritty details of managing MCAS, but honestly sometimes it feels like a full-time job in and of itself. If you want to know more I’m happy to talk about it one on one.

Three: Get LyndenTree Designs chugging along

Once I have some extra energy and my MCAS is more stable, I really want to continue my original goal from 2022: investing my time and effort into LyndenTree Designs so that it becomes self-sustaining. I want it to be able to provide a living wage for me. That means developing more designs and e-patterns, marketing, and hopefully being able to go to some trade shows and markets. I sold a bunch of skirts in the summer, but sales have stalled since then. I would like to get LyndenTree designs running again so that I can be — not independent, but dependent on community in a different way, a way that also means I can give back.

Ways you can help:

With those priorities in mind, if you would like to help, there are many ways you can do so. Some involve money and some don’t. Pick one or two; don’t try doing all of them. This is a community project.

What I need the most

The most impactful thing you can do is support me for six months or a year with a small monthly amount ($4, $10, $20), via Ko-Fi. This offers me a level of stability that helps both financially and mentally, and the reduction in stress will also help physically improve MCAS symptoms. All of this would give me more brain space and energy to devote to working on LyndenTree Designs.

A small reliable amount has greater long-term impact than a large unpredictable amount.

Financial

• Purchase a zero-waste skirt ($$$)
• Commission a custom skirt ($$$)
• Purchase some upcycled embroidered jewellery for yourself or for a gift ($)
• Buy a Europaea ePattern when it is released, regardless of whether or not you sew ($)
• Sign yourself or a friend up for virtual sewing advice ($)
• Donate to me directly via Ko-Fi, PayPal or E-Transfer
• Contribute to my collision GoFundMe
• Host a fundraiser for me with your church or community group

Non-Financial

• Like the LyndenTree Designs Instagram account
• Like and share posts on Instagram from LyndenTree Designs
• Tell your friends about LyndenTree Designs and/or my virtual sewing advice
• Let me know of any places that may be interested in marketing or selling LyndenTree Designs: independent Canadian clothing stores, publications that think zero-waste fashion is cool and might want to write an article, podcasts that may want to talk with me about zero-waste fashion, YouTubers or social media influencers who may want to collab
• Share this webpage with a friend or family member or church group, especially if they also know me. Social media is becoming more fragmented, and algorithms are increasingly unreliable, so it’s hard for me to keep up with all my friends and connections.
• Connect me with other business owners who have chronic illness. Running a business while chronically ill takes a different skill set, and I’d love to learn from others who have experience with this.
• Do not give me health advice unless you also have MCAS.
• If you live in my area and know of a part-time or contract job that is less than 10hrs/week, and may be a good fit for my physical capacity and personal interests, please let me know. Beyond that. . .
• Do not give me job advice or financial advice unless I ask for it, I know my body, my brain, my bank account, and what I need.

Thank you for reading and considering. Thank you for being here. No matter if you can help in big ways or small ways, loud or quiet ways, I need it, I appreciate it, and I am grateful.

P.S.

If you’re wondering about specific numbers that I’m aiming for, I have about $8.5k in various debts and loans, and the following are financial estimates for how much I need per month, either from gifts or sales:

Money to survive: $200/month. This provides for my most basic necessities.
Money to live: $500/month. This provides for what I need, and keeps me from sliding further into debt.
Money to thrive: $800/month. This provides for what I need, lifts off financial burdens by giving me enough to start paying down my debts, and allows me to plan for my future.