It’s been seven years since I did my DTS (Discipleship Training School) with Youth With A Mission, and recently one of my friends was heading off to his DTS. It got me thinking. What kind of advice would I give to him, and all future DTS students?

Here are some of the things that would have been good for me to know before I left for my DTS. To clarify, my DTS was an excellent experience, and I grew a lot personally and in my relationship with Jesus. However, these are things I don’t hear discussed enough in YWAM, or tend to be overlooked, so that’s why I’m focusing on these specific points.

You don’t have to agree with the speakers or staff. It’s ok to disagree. In fact, it’s a good thing if you disagree with some of what the staff or speakers are saying, because it means you’re thinking critically about what you’re learning and there is room for growth. If you agreed 100% with the speakers, why would you need DTS? It’s ok to speak up, ask questions, and even respectfully disagree with things that your staff or speakers are saying. Just don’t be obnoxious or rude about it (I don’t recommend disagreeing in a public setting unless debate has been specifically invited). You can change your mind after a discussion, or not. Either way, you’re thinking and learning from people who are different than you, and that’s a good thing.

Pay attention to when you’re uncomfortable. Just notice it and sit with it at first. Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t always mean you have to change, do something dramatic, or pray harder. Sometimes there’s a temptation in DTS to feel like any uncomfortable feeling is a challenge from God to sacrifice more, give up your rights or be a more committed Christian. That’s not necessarily the case.

Sometimes, being uncomfortable might mean another person has to change, or there’s something wrong with a larger system, or life just sucks for the time being, or it’s a different-but-not-wrong thing, or you’re witnessing injustice. Sometimes being uncomfortable has nothing to do with YOU or anything you personally need to change. The only way to know is to sit with the discomfort. Examine the roots of that discomfort, and pray and consider what your response should be. Oh, and if someone else insists you HAVE to change, that can be a red flag for spiritual abuse. God honours our autonomy and choice, and change should come from a freely given decision on your part, which leads to my next point. . .

Make sure consent is honoured. Ensure your consent is honoured, and that you honour other people’s consent. I could write a whole other blog post on consent, and I may in the future. For now, I’ll write some points that are important to remember.

• Consent doesn’t just apply to things related to sex, it applies to anything that impacts your bodily autonomy.
• You can only truly say yes to something (consent) if you have the genuine ability to also freely say no. If your ability to say no is continuously overridden, that’s a red flag for an abusive situation, and you may need to remove yourself from that situation.
• Remember the FRIES model of consent. Consent must be Freely given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic and Specific. You can read more about this online by searching “FRIES model of consent” (note that most online examples will discuss sex as the practical example, but many principles can be transferred to other activities and situations).

Practically this would mean asking people if you can give them a hug or put a hand on them if you’re praying for them (and respecting their answer). It means not bugging someone to do an activity with you if they’ve already said no. It means stopping wrestling someone when they protest or say they’re done, even if they agreed to wrestle earlier. It means not pressing someone to share something they’re not comfortable sharing. And so on.

Learn a bit about different cultures before DTS. Having a basic knowledge of different kinds of cultures can be really helpful when you interact with your roommates, fellow DTS students, and other people on base. You’ll probably get some training about other cultures before outreach, but you’ll want to know some things before then, as it could help ease a lot of conflicts on DTS. How do different cultures see time? How do they see “goodness and badness”, guilt/innocence, honour/shame, power/fear? Does a culture pay a lot of attention to context, or not much attention to context? Are people expected to say things directly, or to use more indirect and polite ways of communicating? Is the culture a Hot culture or a Cold culture? Learning about this will increase your cultural intelligence (CQ) and help you better communicate and walk through conflict with people from different cultures. Again, an internet search is your friend for a starting point to learn more.

Just because it’s different, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. This is a blend between two points I made above, pay attention to when you’re uncomfortable, and learn about different cultures. Approach something that’s different with curiosity. Why is it like this? Seek to understand it, and look at the fruit of this different thing or different way of doing something. Wait. Don’t immediately jump to conclusions, take a few moments or minutes to ask some questions about the function of whatever it you’ve encountered that’s making you uncomfortable. Let’s say you’re used to standing in worship, but everyone sits. That’s weird and different, but it’s not wrong; we’re still praising God. Maybe you’re used to supper at 5:30pm but everyone eats supper at 8pm. That’s different, but not wrong; everyone still gets fed. Some people believe in infant baptism, others only baptism after a profession of faith, again, different but not necessarily wrong.

Something being different and something being harmful are two separate things that might sometimes overlap. Learning about the difference would again be whole blog post. But for now, the important thing to remember is different doesn’t automatically equal wrong.

DTS is not a substitute for therapy. DTS is a place for you to grow in your relationship with God, and grow in community. It’s not a place to fix deep childhood wounds or trauma or damaged relationships. There’s a good chance you will experience emotional healing in DTS, but that shouldn’t be the aim.

To use an analogy, DTS is like working out to build muscles to help you with what you want to do in your life. However, strengthening muscles works best if you’re already relatively healthy. If you have an injury or disease, it’s best to see a doctor or physiotherapist to heal your body before you start working out. In the same way, if you have major trauma, mental health issues, or relationship issues, it’s best to see a trained therapist to work through them. A professional therapist will have more education, training and tools to help you than the average staff member or base leader. God is just as present in a therapist’s office as He is on a YWAM base; wait and do some work to heal before you dive into DTS.

Some things need professional help. If someone discloses addiction, abuse, suicidal thoughts, or an eating disorder (or if you deal with any of these), PURSUE PROFESSIONAL HELP IMMEDIATELY. These can be actually life-threatening, and require professional help. Your staff are not therapists or doctors. Prayer alone is not enough for these things.

(Suspected or confirmed ADHD, Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, etc., should also get professional help sooner rather than later, though it’s not urgent like items I listed above.)

To get urgent help, call a local mental health or suicide prevention hotline, or contact a local health centre. Check provincial or state health department websites for information too.

When looking for counselling or less urgent professional help, check out Psychology Today for a list of psychologists, counsellors and therapists in your area.

Struggle Care has lots of helpful tips on finding a counsellor, figuring out what you’re looking for, setting up an appointment, and questions to ask in order to get the most out of therapy.

Again, don’t be tempted to think you can deal with these things on your own. God can perform miracles but the vast majority of the time He works through the slow miracle of healthcare and help from other human beings.

And because these are pretty serious topics, I’ll end on a lighter note. If you’re going on outreach to a hot country, bring flip flops. My biggest regret from DTS was not having flip flops, so I spent my outreach in Mauritius, in late summer, wearing leather flats and it was not cool. Flip flops would have been amazing.

Now go, and have an awesome time on your DTS! (Unless you need therapy. Then go get therapy and THEN have an awesome time on DTS!)

The Worker and the Bridge Troll

One of my favourite illustrations for how my ADHD brain works is the worker and the bridge troll. I came up with this last year, I think, and it’s been incredibly helpful. (When I remember it.)

So, in my brain there’s a bridge. There’s the worker, and her job is to ferry stuff back and forth across the bridge, from the country village on one side to a town on the other. Under this bridge is bridge troll, and the bridge is their property. The bridge troll isn’t vicious, malevolent or greedy. They’re just hungry. A lot. You have to feed the bridge troll, or else they will harass the worker. If they get hungry enough, they’ll even sit on the worker and stop her from doing her job. Feed the bridge troll, and they’ll sit on the side, and the worker can do her business. Sometimes, the bridge troll will even join in and help the worker, though that’s unpredictable. 

The important thing to understand is that BOTH the bridge troll and the worker are my ADHD brain. You can’t have one without the other. The worker can’t do her job without the bridge owned by the bridge troll. 

My ADHD brain feels like there are two things running simultaneously, and if the one system isn’t engaged, the other won’t work nearly as effectively. I have to find ways to engage both.

So, what does this metaphor mean practically? I have to feed the bridge troll if I want to get stuff done. There are lots of different ways of doing that. I can use music, podcasts or YouTube videos to feed the bridge troll while I do dishes. Medication feeds the bridge troll. Exercise, working with another person, or using fidget toys are other ways of doing the same thing. 

If something is interesting and captures my attention, that’s when the worker and the bridge troll work together, and I don’t need to worry about keeping the bridge troll occupied.

Bad brain days are when the bridge troll sits on the worker and I don’t have anything to feed it. 

So anyways, usually if I’m stuck, I try to remember, “How can I feed the bridge troll?” 

I started this on International Women’s Day, but procrastination is a thing. Better late than never, right? So here’s a list of films directed by women that I enjoy.

(Note that it’s been a while since I watched some of them, and thus there may be content I’ve forgotten about. Watch at your own risk.)

 

Little Women – Greta Gerwig

This is the first movie I’ve seen twice in theatres. And it’s the third movie to ever make me cry. I adore this film, how it’s full of life and affection and kinetic energy. Greta takes a familiar story and makes it fresh, a period piece that is oh-so-relevant to today. Little Women inspired me to go out and make my art, which is something that the best films do.

Lady Bird – Greta Gerwig

My acting teacher would say over and over again, “Every scene is a love scene.” Never have I seen this more clearly than I have in Lady Bird. It oozes love for and between the characters, romantic, familial, platonic. The love for place is striking. Lady Bird also gave me the freedom to tell my own story. Gerwig said that everything in this film is true, though not everything actually happened (but it could have). And that’s what I want my films to do.

Also. Greta wore dresses while directing Lady Bird which is basically LIFE GOALS.

Awakenings – Penny Marshall

Why don’t more people know about Awakenings?! It’s an absolutely gorgeous story, about a doctor working to find a cure for patients with a mysterious locked-in syndrome. It features Robert DeNiro and Robin Williams.

Awakenings will make you love humanity all over again.

The Farewell – Lulu Wang

Poignant, funny and beautiful. Seriously, the cinematography and soundtrack are gorgeous. I also love the window into another culture. And the ending! I’m not going to spoil it, but it was great.

Belle – Amma Asante

I love Belle for two main reasons: First of all, the costumes. 18th century is one of my favourite eras. And secondly, as a sort of third-culture kid, I really relate to Belle’s story of not fitting into either the culture of your mother or father. (I also like to think of this as a prequel to Amazing Grace, which is another movie I love.)

And if you like Belle, be sure to check out A United Kingdom, also directed by Amma Asante.

Carrie Pilby – Susan Johnson

Whimsical, fresh and fun. Carrie Pilby is such a charming protagonist. Also. William Moseley. It’s a really sweet indie film.

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before – Susan Johnson

I didn’t realize that Susan Johnson had also directed Carrie Pilby when I watched this film. This teen rom-com has all the cute comedic romance without excessive amounts of angst or dumb conversations where people don’t communicate properly. It’s also really pretty to look at, thanks to great cinematography and production design.

Band Aid – Zoe Lister-Jones

A couple works to save their marriage by starting a band and putting all their arguments into song. (But this is not a musical.) I love seeing a movie about a marriage, because so many romance movies are about dating relationships. This movie is offbeat but humourous and poignant.

Another fun thing about Band Aid: It’s one of the first films with an all-female crew.

Aquamarine – Elizabeth Allen Rosenbaum

The perfect sleepover movie. There’s depth to each of the characters, the plot is magnificently constructed, and the acting is on point. And it’s super fun to have the Male Gaze flipped on its head. Plus. . . MERMAIDS!

Selma – Ava DuVernay

Not an easy story to watch, but a good and important one. It’s been a while since I watched so I can’t comment in more detail, except to say that the song Glory from this movie’s soundtrack is AWESOME and should be listened to with the dial turned up.

Mamma Mia! – Phyllida Lloyd

Amanda Seyfried, Colin Firth, Meryl Streep and more singing and dancing to ABBA songs in Greece? HECK YEAH!

Rip Tide – Rhiannon Bannenberg

Rip Tide is close to my heart, because it was filmed in the area where I grew up. I discovered it through a serendipitous Netflix scroll, and confirmed the filming location through IMDB research.

I started out with low expectations. It looks like a cheesy teen movie about a model who moves to Australia and discovers herself. But this movie is far more emotionally resonant and beautiful than I expected. I especially loved the focus on women and their relationships. Also the inevitable romance was the least contrived and most convincing I’ve ever seen in a teen-centred movie. And I ADORED all the little Australian things like the morning bird warbles and the Norfolk Island Pine and “How ya goin?”

There are a lot of surfing montages, but strangely I didn’t mind. It’s a lovely film, and worth the watch. Thematically this movie resonates with me a LOT, even months after watching it.